The key to treating (younger) kid’s Fears
The other day I came home to find out that my four year old had been crying quite hysterically because she didn’t want to go to heaven (after 120 years).
Now, I could have come from a number of different approaches. For example, I could have discussed the idea of death and after life with her, or speak to her about the idea of heaven and what a nice place it is and that there really is no need to be scared etc.
But what I did was much more simple and effective, and this is the tool I would like to offer you:
At some point after she had calmed down a little (through some distraction), I asked her “what is it that you don’t like about heaven?”
She replied “There is no food there, what will I eat?”
I responded to her question, put her at ease until she was happy and content.
So with that simple and to the point question, I got to understand what is bothering her.
My point is that when working with a child’s fear or anxieties it is most important for a parent not to come up with their own assumptions of what is going on for the child in their mind, because most likely what the child is afraid of will be completely different than what you think it is.
Parents also need to be able to act with confidence and communicate clearly especially in a case when a child is feeling afraid and disorientated.
Here is another example:
Recently, parents came to see me along with their child, who was suffering from certain anxiety related issues.
The parents mentioned that the child was afraid of “something” and that that was probably the cause for the child’s anxiety symptoms.
After some probing I got to understand that the child was afraid of “robbers”.
The thing is, when a child is afraid of an imaginary fear (as in this case) they will usually have a particular image in their mind of how “it” looks and sounds.
So I inquired from the child “What does the robber look like? How tall is he? What kind of shoes does he wear?” etc.
We got to learn that the child’s imaginary robber was really a very small man, with brown boots and lots of pimples (very much like the ones in the kids’ books).
In the meantime the parents were sitting and listening to the child’s description, quite amazed and surprised by these new revelations. Obviously they had no idea what they were “up against”.
The parents had thought that the child was afraid of the normal kind of robber (the kind which they too are scared of) and for that they were afraid to even talk about it with their child. Now they know it’s the fictional robber out of a comic book and for that they can feel more equipped to deal with it.
This blog is taken from http://www.menachemschloss.com/2012/03/22/the-key-to-treating-younger-kids-fears/ Best regards,
Menachem Schloss
NLP Therapist & Education Consultant
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment Dan.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you that kids ought not to be exposed to the subject of death. At the same time, anyone who spends time with kids, knows that (for some reason) it's a topic that fascinates them and they'll talk about it with their friends much of the time, especially the kids with the wild imaginations. I think it is just very interesting for a child when they hear that someone died (say, they read it in a book etc) to know what happens next.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteFrom my experience most 4 year olds have heard of the concept of death. In fact many of the young anxious children I have worked with had issues with death. Either way this was not the topic of my blog. and I am personally not interested in discussing or making a case of whether 4 year olds know about death or not. My blog is there purely with the intent of being a resource for parents, therapists and educators.
ReplyDeleteDan, here is a link you can check out for more info on children's fears and anxieties.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/child.asp
BTW. a point that I was trying to bring out in the blog was tha children percieve things differently than the way we adults do. As in this case, Dan, you percieve death as a heavy subject but for children it is often quite fascinating and very often they simply need clarification on things so that they can go and carry on with their lives.
Be well